I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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