you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
