my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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