The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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