sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
