Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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