Plan B is the new Plan A
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
