you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
