I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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