His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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