i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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