I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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