I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
