Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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