bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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