pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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