You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
