hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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