y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
