that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
