Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
