Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
