What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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