Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
