My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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