he puts the penis in happiness.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
