I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
