Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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