Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize