i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
