i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
