Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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