i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
