You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize