no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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