How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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