I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
