I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
