i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize