I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
