Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
