So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
