I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
