; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Alive.
So much puke
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
