oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
