Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
