I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize