I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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