So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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