There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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