its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
