Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
