If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
