im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
