i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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