What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
