btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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