Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
