I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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