ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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