I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
