I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
