Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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