no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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