It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
