I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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