if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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