god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize