Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
