so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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