My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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