happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
