Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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