found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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