Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

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(516): View more from New York

Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life

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(916): View more from California

I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�

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(719): View more from Colorado

Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night

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(419): View more from Ohio

"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..

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(303): View more from Colorado

Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

God you're perfect.

(303): View more from Colorado

I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.

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(216): View more from Ohio

What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?

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(325): View more from Texas

There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises

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