I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
