soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
