Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everyone says I win the strip club
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize