thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have surprise drugs for everyone
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
