after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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