I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
