Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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