8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
