Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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