my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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