I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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