The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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