Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
