u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
