i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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