the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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