what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
