One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
