Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
