grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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