We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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