Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize