how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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