i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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